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lumpectomy - Musings of Unayok

2005 Feb 28

23:57lumpectomy 

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I had been thinking of an entry about the number of people from years past that had come out of the woodwork to say hello this month. But today's main event pushed all of that from my mind.

Last week, I noticed Hudson had a little growth I hadn't seen before. It worried me a little. So, when it didn't go down over the weekend, I took him in to the vet today.

He has a love/hate relationship with the animal hospital. He loves the front room. The smell of cat food, in particular, really gets his interest. All the front staff absolutely adores him. They cannot believe that he's 9; they think he's more like 4 — this seems to be a common thing with people who meet him.

All that joy disappears when I start moving to the back. Towards the examination rooms. He doesn't fuss or fight; that's not his style. Instead, he gets stubborn. Head hangs down and he glowers at me: "you're kidding, right?" However, all that is good, cause I just make a round with him and he'll stay with me.

The vet likes him pretty well. Hudson likes the vet. Mostly. Except for the poking and prodding. SInce I'm there, he puts up with it well enough, though he's again a little stubborn about not helping.

In the end, the doctor recommended the growth get removed and tested for malignancy and such. At the same time, he took a look at his teeth and a general checkup. One tooth has to come out (it's cracked), and we got a clue what's causing his leg problems (back problem, not hip, thank goodness). He needs some x-rays to make sure.

None of this is cheap, especially with me still having no job. (which is another rant I'll get to some time.)

Because he's a dog, he has to go under a general anaesthetic for any of this. This, along with the base expenses for tests, is actually the bulk of the cost, so it's most effective to do all of this at once. He goes in on Wednesday. It threw a huge wrench into my planning.

And it was only over the weekend that I booked my tickets for Lunacon and a visit to Palm Springs to spend some time with my mother during her month-long vacation there. She paid for most of the trip, but I would probably have cancelled the trip and put the money towards Hudson's care had I known.

All of this... makes me feel like a failure. Hudson's presence in my life is the biggest single source of prolonged joy I have. Some of the rest of you have given me more joy in short periods but aren't around for prolonged periods. Others have been around longer but don't give me the constant uplift that he does. So it hurts that I can't even properly afford to take care of him. I got a big boost from one of the pack on this which helps immeasurably with the immediate issue. But heightens the sense of failure and my frustration and not being able to do what I have been able to in the past.

Plus of course, concern over what lies after Wednesday for him. A radar dish installation for a while is quite likely (after the lumpectomy). But beyond that? I don't know.

Positive energy/thoughts/prayers/meditations/whatever is requested.

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Comments:

[User Picture]
From:kaysho
Date:2005 Mar 01 - 06:53 (UTC)
Hey, if there's anything Kay or I can do to help, you let us know, OK? *hugs*
[User Picture]
From:halex
Date:2005 Mar 01 - 15:48 (UTC)
Hope things end up alright for Hudson! He was a really cool dog to hang with :)
From:berner
Date:2005 Mar 01 - 23:08 (UTC)
I will try to swing some extra cash